Jul31

Don’t feed the trolls

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(This started out as a Facebook status update, and it started as a rant about feminism, before having a bit of a realisation and started typing this instead, and before I knew it, it was too long for Facebook!)

OK, so here’s the deal as I see it. Most people who go about their day to day life, don’t care, they don’t care about trans people, they don’t care about homosexuals. That’s not caring in a good way, as in, it makes no difference to them, they just see us as people… which is good, yes?

Our biggest fight, from what I can see is small groups of people on a mission, within larger groups. The majority of christian’s are ok, the majority of feminists, are ok, the majority of teenagers, are ok… I could go on! Yet, we end up listening and taking offence from the (frankly) idiots in the minority. What about if *we* started to not care? You know, the kind of “don’t feed the troll” logic.

Most people out there who don’t care about us, also don’t care about them, I suspect that a large proportion of their audience is us, feeding and fuelling them. A flame will go out without oxygen, surely its time we turned the fight to metaphorically starve them of oxygen?

Maybe I’m being too sensible when I say that we’ll never have 100% acceptance, there will always be a few out there that will never accept, it’s just the way that humans are, but for those few, if they’ve got no audience, then there is a massively reduced problem.

Show the world that we are normal and harmless, and the world (over time) will more and more discount the opinions of the ever diminishing minority.

That’s just my take on things anyway!

Jul20

I’m privileged

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I posted something similar elsewhere, but here is a version for my blog 🙂

Around various communities that I’m in, the word privilege thrown about as a bad thing, making out that some groups are more privileged than others. I don’t doubt that this is true, to be fair, we are all privileged in some way. I don’t want to rant about how this is just casually used in arguments with no real backing, I want to say what privilege is to me.

I am privileged to be able to walk down the street and not get any hassle, to not have to worry about *where* I go, or when I go there. There are so many people like me that haven’t been afforded that luxury.

I am privileged that I don’t have to hide the life that I lead, yet I still don’t push it in peoples faces, hence me rewording this post. Some people have to live the lifestyle they enjoy in private.

I am privileged to make the choices that I want to make, do the things that I want to do. People moan about the UK and what it’s becoming, but it’s a hell of a lot better than so many countries out there to live in for freedom.

I am privileged to pass as a girl. I don’t believe in my heart that I do, I don’t see a girl when I look in the mirror. But people around me tell me that I do, so I must trust them.

I am privileged for the advice I am given, even if I’m sometimes useless at taking it. It matters to me that people care about me enough to give it, it would be all to easy for people to give up on me!

I am privileged for friends from all walks of life. You don’t have to be a specific kind of person to be awesome, and I love you regardless of what slot in my life you fit into.

I am privileged to have the freedom to make my own mistakes, to look like an idiot, and to come out of anything a stronger person.

Not so long ago that I was struggling to find my place, I am privileged to now be finding it.

It’s a privilege to me to have people close to me. I really do appreciate that, lots. Without knowing it, the people around me save my life, very often.

This is what privilege really is.

May31

Updates

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So I’m sat in a pub in New Street station, because silly Jeni got all the times mixed up and got here an hour and a half early… Doh!

May as well use this time to write a blog post, since I don’t get time anywhere else!

So what’s new in my life? I had an amazing birthday week… too much drinking, some epic hangovers and a load of very nice surprises all combined to make it pretty damn good! Oh, and some sort of chocolate based dessert daily? Yes please!

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Awesome chocolate cake!

One of the high points was definitely catching up with someone who I hadn’t seen in far too long, who I love to bits. That was one of the best presents I received, ment so much to me!

But the whole week took it out of me, and I finished my week off work far more tired than when I started! Was nice to start getting back into a normal routine… having some chill time and even gave up alcohol!

I was supposed to have come down to brum sooner… but to be fair… if you were offered tickets to see Guns N Roses… you’d totally delay your trip! The gig was awesome in every sense of the word! Though, with it ending up finishing at 2am… and me having to get up at 5… it was never gonna end well the next day 🙂

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Guns N Roses at the MEN Arena

Even though I don’t miss the place, I’m missing all my friends in the Midlands lots… I really need to make more of an effort to come down more often!

Have been totally enjoying the really nice weather recently, though today in brum has been pretty miserable.

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Enjoying the sun in Platt Fields Park... may have got a little burnt!

Oh, and one final thing… my boobs are massive!! Hehe… anyway, I’ve wasted enough time now, gotta go get a train!

May13

Self Harm

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I originally posted this on my old blog about 4 years ago, I had lost everything I posted… but recently found a notebook with half my posts in, it is still very current.

When you are in the deepest, darkest pits of depression and your coping resources have run dry, its difficult to know what to do to try to continue to cope. Your judgement will be completely clouded, and things which you previously thought to be an unthinkable option, suddenly seem like such a good idea.

In this situation, some people, myself included, turn to harming themselves as a way to release the pain. It can take many forms including cutting, scratching, pulling hair out or overdosing. Very few people on the “outside” understand what is happening if they find out. Many will brand it as attention seeking, most people will insist that you stop, this only leads to guilt and worsening the pain.

A lot of the time, self harm is far from attention seeking, it is something they are very ashamed of and will go out of their way to try to hide. Sometimes it may well be attention seeking, but not necessarily in a bad way, it can be a cry for help. When you are stuck in the pit, it is a very lonely place, talking to someone is a very hard thing to do, it is a way of showing that you are badly hurting on the inside.

Most people who self harm will completely deny that there is any element of attention seeking, this may be the case most of the time, but there will always be people that do. They should never be frowned at, they need a bit of love and attention. Maybe they don’t want to talk, but just be acknowledged. Even something as simple as a hug can go a long way.

The worst thing you can do to someone who self harms is to insist that they stop. The guilt can be far too high and can lead to them starting to bottle up their emotions, inevitably this will get to a point where they will just have a breakdown, possibly with far worse consequences. Just offer a listening ear, company if they want it. Make sure they are being safe, the majority of self harmers will have no intention of killing themselves, they are just releasing their inner pain.

I am not a doctor, I have made no in depth research into the subject. I talk from experience from being on both sides. I used to self harm regularly, I look back at what I did with so much regret, yet I fully understand what happened, and in the situation that I was in, it was the lesser of two evils. I had the guilt of people telling me to stop, that almost pushed me to suicide on several occasions. It was the friends that stuck by me throughout out that pulled me through one of my darkest times. I now have the scars as a constant reminder of the valley that I went through.

I’m not quite sure why I’m talking in the past tense, the problem hasn’t gone away. I rarely self harm these days, I’ve come a long way yet occasionally I will still slip up. I’m terrified that I will start to slip back down on a slippery slope and end up back to where I started. I am a much stronger person now to what I was then, but nobody can be 100% strong all of the time. If the fragile outer shell that I have get broken, then I’m screwed.

I hope this helps if you know or ever meet anybody who self harms. If you are reading this and you harm yourself, just remember that the other side of the valley is never that far away!